Ou Yang, a 33-year-old engineer based in Beijing, grapples with a profound sense of unease every holiday season due to the influx of wedding invitations, which inevitably translates into a financial burden for him.
During the National Day holiday last month, he attended two weddings and gave a 1,000-yuan ($141) red envelope at each.
There's another upcoming wedding awaiting this year.
He's meticulously recorded these expenses in his phone, with the total adding up to nearly 20,000 yuan so far. And that already excludes the money given by his parents on his behalf and the costs of attending banquets in various locations.
"I'm conflicted, but I still choose to attend because I don't want to be criticized by others for breaking this societal tradition," he said. With no plans for marriage himself, Ou is uncertain if he will ever recoup the money he has spent, jokingly suggesting, "Maybe I should throw myself a big 40th birthday party."
In stark contrast, Li Wenjing, a 26-year-old overseas study consultant in Qingdao, Shandong province, takes a bold and carefree stance when invited to weddings by friends, firmly replying, "I'm not going, and I'm not giving the fenziqian."
Literally meaning "one's portion of money", fenziqian is often wrapped in red envelopes and is given to newlyweds as a form of a congratulatory gift.
Li has grown weary of receiving wedding invitations from individuals she has lost touch with over the years. In one extreme instance, an old colleague of her father, who had been out of contact for more than two decades, somehow acquired her father's WeChat and invited Li's family to his son's wedding.
As a result, she made a daring decision to abstain from attending weddings and refraining from giving congratulatory money. Whenever a friend embarks on a romantic relationship, she preemptively informs them of her decision, sparing them the need to give her money too. Over time, this stance has become well-known among her circle.
Li said that giving money in this context makes her feel like she is funding other people's lives, when she has just started her career and doesn't have enough in her budget for herself.
She ranks among the growing number of young people in China who are becoming increasingly vocal against the long-standing tradition of handing over fenziqian.
CHINA DAILY
Long tradition
In China and some other East Asian countries, it has been a long-standing tradition to congratulate marrying couples with cash gifts. Upon arrival at the wedding reception, guests typically present envelopes containing cash to a designated friend or family member of the newlyweds.
The amount given is discreetly recorded in a register, granting guests entry to the event and allowing them to partake in the wedding banquet. In modern times, guests who are unable to attend have the option to send digital red envelopes through platforms like WeChat.
This tradition traces its origins back to ancient China, where it served as a means for communities to support one another during significant life events such as weddings, funerals and other important ceremonies. Everyone would contribute money or gifts to help cover the expenses, fostering a sense of community and mutual assistance.
However, in contemporary society, while the practice of giving cash gifts continues to symbolize support, its role has expanded. It has become a way to reciprocate past generosity, with individuals often keeping track of the amounts they receive to ensure they give a comparable sum when attending future events hosted by the same individuals.
Moreover, the amount given frequently corresponds with the closeness of the relationship and societal expectations, sometimes placing pressure on individuals to give more than they can comfortably afford.
Zhu Qizhen, a professor at China Agricultural University, said in an interview with Beijing News that rural communities are inherently founded on social obligations. However, when social etiquette becomes excessively burdensome, it can impede the normal development of these communities.
During his research in Central China, Zhu was informed by local villagers that the most substantial economic expenditure for them revolves around social obligations. One farmer even calculated that the annual amount of money he gives in gifts is over 5,000 yuan, whereas the net profit from one mu of corn (one-fifteenth of a hectare) is merely a few hundred yuan.
To effectively alleviate the burden of social obligations, governmental actions alone are insufficient, and it necessitates concerted efforts from all sectors of society, Zhu said.
According to a survey conducted by China Youth Daily in October last year, 93 percent of young people felt burdened by having to give cash gifts. Among them, 51 percent believed that they face both financial and social pressures when giving money gifts. Additionally, 50 percent said that they should be able to say no to giving high-value money gifts.
Zhao Yixiong, a college student in Taiyuan, Shanxi province, found himself in a predicament where he had to ask for an additional 1,000 yuan from his parents to attend a friend's wedding.
Zhao felt pressured to give this amount, representing about half of his monthly living expenses, solely because others were giving the same amount.
"I appreciate giving red envelopes as blessings, but I am against high amounts of money," he expressed, noting that local customs stipulate a minimum of 800 yuan, which poses a significant financial burden for young people like him, especially considering that the average monthly salary for recent graduates around him is approximately 4,000 yuan.
In recent years, various regions have introduced guidelines urging residents to give money gifts in moderation to alleviate the burden of social and financial obligations. Initiatives in places like Luohe, Henan province, advocate for gift amounts of around 5 percent of an individual's monthly salary. Similarly, in Quzhou, Zhejiang province, it is recommended that cash gifts for events involving individuals beyond immediate family members should be capped at 300 yuan.
China's No 1 Central Document for 2024, which charts the roadmap for rural vitalization, underscores the importance of utilizing rural service facilities to provide social services for farmers during events like weddings and funerals, aiming to reduce the burden of social obligations. The term "social obligation burden" was included in the annual document.
Changing habits
Amid overwhelming pressures, a growing number of young people in China are exploring alternative ways to organize their weddings or convey congratulations to newlyweds.
According to a survey report released in March by Zhenai.com, a popular matchmaking website, nearly 70 percent of respondents indicated their willingness to accept the idea of getting married without hosting a traditional wedding banquet.
When asked their reasons, 33 percent cited the desire to save on expenses and energy, while 26 percent expressed an interest in transforming the wedding banquet into a different form of celebration, the report said.
Jiang Ting, a financial worker from Wuhan, Hubei province, opted to have a wedding trip in the Xinjiang Uygur autonomous region this year, breaking away from the conventional practice of hosting a wedding at home with guests primarily invited by their parents, many of whom they barely know.
Initially, negotiations with her parents were challenging, as their wedding banquet was not only viewed as a joyous occasion with family and friends but also as an opportunity to have reciprocal cash gifts given back to them. To date, her parents have given a total of approximately 80,000 to 100,000 yuan in fenziqian.
"I came to realize that my actions not only reflect on myself but also influence how my parents are perceived within our circle of relatives. Compared to our generation, they place greater emphasis on respect, honor and social status, often referred to as 'mianzi' or 'face'," she said.
Li Wenjing, from Shandong province, has observed a shift in the practices of her colleagues who are getting married. Rather than informing others in advance, some opt to share their joy by sending out wedding candies afterward.
"It fosters healthier workplace relationships, as it maintains clear boundaries between colleagues. There is high turnover in today's workplace, and if it were different, things could get complicated. Money sent in such situations might not be returned," she said.
In a similar vein, Li Qian, a 35-year-old teacher from Dalian, Liaoning province, who got married last year, suggested a mutual exemption approach to her classmates in different cities.
Recognizing the complexities involved in attending weddings in distant locations, she chose to send wedding candies to her friends across cities to share the happiness without expecting monetary gifts in return.
While some friends attempted to offer cash gifts upon receiving the candies, she graciously declined, emphasizing her desire to simply share the good news and sincere well-wishes.
However, she cherished a gift she received from her bridesmaid — tableware set — as it resonated with her love for furniture, which was accompanied by a heartfelt letter detailing their shared experiences and expressing congratulations on her marriage that touched her deeply.
"Her care, love and concern for me are the most sincere blessing," she said.
