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A romantic encounter of brains & hearts
2021-03-27 
The gender imbalance adds fuel to the blind date phenomenon as women feel more compelled than men to be involved in such encounters. [Photo provided to China Daily]

They say they are picky about who to be involved with, but in the end are they really just snobs?

In snowbound old alleyways of Beijing in late November, as children frolic about and couples hold hands, winter's first snow brings to the capital, notorious for its biting winds and dry air, feelings drenched in romance.

For the first snowfall brings with it a "merry match", a 985 blind date being held in a restaurant named Museum of Love in the 798 Art District. Just as snow seems to draw people closer together, to the extent even of a warm embrace, the very name of the 985 blind dating events seems to be devised to push some apart.

985 refers to the prestigious project 985 group of elite Chinese universities comprising Tsinghua University and Peking University in Beijing and 37 others. Those who want to take part in this event must have graduated from one of those 39 higher education institutions. Young men and women are looking forward to meeting their ideal partner here and-who knows?-going on to breed the next elite generation.

At 2 pm, the restaurant at the northeastern corner of the art district is packed with young men and women, all with umbrellas for fear of the rain and snow messing up their well-fitting professional attire and meticulously groomed hair.

A blind date agency has booked the restaurant, and Su Meixin, a timid young woman and a graduate of Tsinghua who often ridicules herself for living the "delivery life"-an existence in which people stay at home on weekends and rely on delivered food-is particularly nervous about the "eight-minute blind talk" section.

At the restaurant entrance participants are given the guest information form, and a number corresponding to the one on the form is attached to their chest. On one side of this detailed form is information about the 100 male guests, and on the other about the 100 females.

The eight-minute date consists of three men and three women. After eight minutes' free chat the men move to the next table.

Blind-date encounters catering to the well educated have long existed. For many girls, academic background is crucial and a basic threshold for their future boyfriend or husband. [Photo provided to China Daily]

"It's more like an interview," Su says. "The six guests at the table take turns acting as candidates and interviewers. The male guest first presents his number, then introduces his educational background, professional experience and finally his hobbies, usually tennis and swimming, sports that are good for your health."

The remaining five people at the table pick up the form and amidst the clatter of the paper turning, they tactfully glance at a man's school and career details.

Of the 200 participants, 90 percent have a master's degree or a doctorate, Su says. The guests are all 985 college graduates, or they have a degree from the universities ranked in the top 100 in the world.

The high-end participants are more reflected in the industry they are engaged in. Nearly half the guests work in finance. Most male guests work in the internet and consulting industries, as well as State-owned enterprises and government agencies, and most females work in universities, scientific research institutes or hospitals.

Su, after introducing herself and highlighting her assets-but in an understated way-stops talking and says later that she often wonders how participants in TV dating shows can drone on about one subject for so long. In contrast with her taciturn approach, the three male guests make no attempt to disguise their admiration and interest in her working for a State-owned company.

When Su asks a few questions about a male guest's experience with relationships, he seems to take offense, and the rest of the group appears to be embarrassed.

Su says she through school dedicated to study and always obtained high marks, but relationships are essentially untested waters for her, so a blind date platform with high standards may be one of the few viable venues for her to meet her ideal man. Academic background is crucial and a basic threshold for her future boyfriend or husband, she says.

[Photo provided to China Daily]

Blind-date encounters catering to the well educated have long existed. In 2013, the marriage and love platform Encounter Weiming, based on alumni of Peking University, was established. In 2015 HIMMR (How I Met Mr Right) was founded by two alumni of Tsinghua University and now bills itself as the "the blind date platform used by all 985 elites".

In a podcast program titled "Untimely" in October, a professor of Fudan University in Shanghai, Shen Yifei, engaged in a debate with the founder of HIMMR. Shen says the educational background of 985 colleges and universities has nothing to do with love, and using this label discriminates against other schools. The HIMMR founder, Yue Liang (alias), argued that it is simply a matter of marketing, differentiating HIMMR from other platforms. During the show, Shen asked: "As insiders, do we really need to make our world smaller?"

However, Su pooh-poohs the insinuation of snobbish exclusivity.

"I think these righteous dribbles are sour, and many hypocrites respond just because they are not in this circle. In fact, whether it is 985, undergraduate, or junior college graduates, as long as there is a blind date, these conditions always exist. Do 985 graduates have to hold to the grandiose idea that 'all that matters is love', and that someone looking for a relationship cannot have certain minimum requirements? Personally, I think the love angle is totally overrated."

Jia Ting, an overseas graduate who works at a financial consulting firm, echoes this idea. "True love actually comes from the matching of your conditions," she says, adding that the requirements of material life and love are not incompatible.

[Photo provided to China Daily]

"Everyone is quick at jumping up and down and demonizing 985 blind dates. They suggest it precludes love. In fact talking about academic qualifications is more idealistic and less materialistic than cutting to the chase and talking about things such as what property you own. I don't hear too many people finding fault with the love-business transaction. Similar educational backgrounds can be a catalyst for wonderful romances."

The gender imbalance adds fuel to the blind date phenomenon as women feel more compelled than men to be involved in such encounters. The total sex ratio between men and women in China reached 104.45 in 2019, the National Bureau of Statistics says, and there are more single men than single women. On one of the high-end blind date platforms the ratio of male and female users is about 3:7, and in the marriage and love market in first-tier cities, high-quality men are a scarce commodity.

"This kind of high-end matching reflects the current state of anxiety among young people," says Guo Peihui, psychological consultant at the Psychological Counselor Alliance, University of Shanghai for Science and Technology.

"Everyone is eager to find the same good partner because they are afraid that his partner is inferior to others, that their children will be inferior to others, and that they will be dragged down by a marriage mismatch despite their longtime hard work.

"In the final analysis, relationships in China are too attached to a worldly perspective. But unfortunately I think the more you see such a phenomenon, the less likely it is that young men and young women will find their ideal partner."

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